On an aftrnoon..
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“ Krishna, You are not yet professionally Grown up, to understand things. This field is filled of competitions, each time you Seeking sympathy you are going behind”
“Err…”
“And Listen, Once when you are going out of here how another manager will take you, what is the guaranty that you will stay there?, in case you didn’t like that project,
How many times you will ?”
“But does it mean I should stick ? I would rather give a try .. ?”
“let me finish Krishna,
You are just a beginner, there are people who have learnt much and have grown enough,
May be they also had felt the same as you once, but they have shown their best and they are the gems we have got.
Once you are in their age, you would feel the difference.
You have to talk to them, their words would be much better than what I can say, you would feel it when they say.
The other side of the grass always looks greener Krishna, But it doesn’t mean it should be”
I don’t want to be such a gem. Even I wanted to explain, I was searching for where to start, but my mind was all blank.
I felt as if I am alone in the middle of a football ground, and rain was about to start. I didn’t know which direction I have to take.
I felt like cold breeze swift under my ears, I realized I am sweating, pumping excess adrenaline to blood stream. The wrong hormone at wrong time.
As my senior might have said, a shot of vodka would have done better.
“..and , what kind of mail you have sent today, do have any idea about the email Etiquette followed in the company?.”
Is that the topic more important here?
“Rani, I understood your points. I am not that experienced to think the way you do, I am seeing my future in you all.
And that’s what I don’t need“
“ Krishna I am trying to find your problem man, rather helping you to realize. Every new Guy came to this product has the same concern ‘I don’t like this project’ ”
So she knows this before, and trying not to find a solution but to console me. Trying to breed fish on sand, as water is no longer available. water – The hope.
“You are chosen to work here, and to work is your commitment and that is what you are paid for. You prove here and then you will reach the heights soon.”
“Yes Rani, what you told is true, for you at least, and you know, there is a truth for me as well” My voice already started shaking.
I was just knocking the fake door. I wish I could stop this conversation here. I was retrieving myself.
Her expression changed as well, “ Krishna just try to prove yourself here so that you are worth for asking a change.”
Either she truly want to help me, or she too don’t want to extend any more.
‘Will you release the best guy from your project Rani??’ I wanted to ask , but I realized I was walking away from there..
I was in Catch22 .. wishing for a change.. at least before this change changes me…
Your smile is just another lie when you don’t find bliss in what you do.
[all characters in this play are imaginary]
I wasn’t Cursing, It was her story… |
on 4/30/2013 5:24 PM
Was it like a show off? or accepting the challenge? or even begging her to forget the previous day, I don’t know, but I was there at office at 8.30in the morning, the whole two hours early to my usual time. The place was all deserted as most of our engineers were still on bed.
I am different from today…err, at least today.
AC was not on yet, so I had to switch on the fan. The switches were at the farthest corner of the wing. While returning from there I saw a Rubik’s cube in one of the cubicles nearby, I just went there, and started playing with it, in fact trying to solve it.
The worst toy for my mood, which had never let me win, maybe I am over-acting but I could see Rani’s face on each never matching color pieces of the cube.
It just triggered all my emotions at once, I wanted to do something, something to calm myself down.
I got the very first idea what my colleagues would have been done, yes prepare resume, without knowing why, but resume always spread positive energy in either way.
It reminds you, the world hadn’t end yet so you can still move on, also all those exaggerated skill set reminds you how capable you are.
I opened Outlook, searched for my old resume, in each and every folder. It was missing. But I ended up on something. The good thing a crush can do to you ever. I saw an old write-up which I had written long ago, which gave me a sudden inspiration to write again.
I was indulged in typing, seats were slowly getting occupied, windows startup tones from here and there didn’t disturb me much.
I was in my own world.
I finished writing a small note on the previous day incident. It was all what the situation demanded.
[it is better to have a look at it, if you are still not getting what is going on… read above]
My mind was blank, copying some emotions to a draft had soothed me to a great extent.
I noticed Rani in her cubicle, and some other computers were also lit here and there in the wing. But none other than me and Rani from our team had reached till then.
It was just five minute later when I felt someone is walking towards me, and for my surprise it was Rani.
She smiled at me. I didn’t have any other option than smiling back, rather a narrow one.
I clearly had any idea what was going to happen….
“ Krishna…”
was it really sweet? I felt a friendly cactus branch caressing me. Or am I going to get what I wanted? Impossible.
As a reply to my perplexed expression, she continued…
Rani speaks… |
on 5/17/2013 6:06 PM
“ Krishna…”
was it really sweet? I felt a friendly cactus branch caressing me. Or am I going to get what I wanted? Impossible.
As a reply to my perplexed expression, she continued.
[continue reading from I wasn’t Cursing, It was her story…read above ]
“Nice to see you so early , I usually work alone at this time.”
I kept quiet , it’s better to know her intention first.
“You still look confused”, said Rani. Even I wanted to see what kind of expression I was wearing then. I was kind of expressionless from inside.
“No Rani, I just want some perfection in career” I said in a lousy tone.
“Krishna, we all run for perfection isn’t it?” she paused, then continued. “Yes, What we seek is perfection, but what company needs from us is productivity. Both of these look like parallel lines, but they are not. We can attain perfection on our way to productivity.” She cleared her throat. “After all, perfection is not what it looks like. Not all Perfect flowers give you fruit.”
I didn’t find her theories interesting, Amir khans ‘Blah blah blah…’ expression- while explaining definition for machine in the movie ‘3 Idiots’- flashed in my memory. I was surprisingly pleasant then.
“I know Rani, but I thought if I could change something now, I shouldn’t regret later, that I didn’t try for it. But I now know that you are equally helpless.” I was back to my point.
“But Nothing’s wrong here Krishna. I know how much potential you have. Instead of using it , you are waiting. Krishna, if you rest you will rust.”
“Rani, It can be just a wrong perception, what I am having now. But I didn’t find anything interesting yet so that I can change my decision.”
It was time for me to throw the most important point I had, which I knew already, which gave me the strength to talk to this extend.
“And Rani, even you have filed resignation, saying the reason ‘Lack of growth’ ”
I knew it was a show stopper, I could see Rani’s expression changing, I thought she has lost arguments. Was she surprised how I know this? It was her friend who told me. Resignation requests are not so confidential here. But from Rani it was the last possible thing, every one believed so.
“Tell me Rani, you took these many years to realize, and when I did it so fast, should I wait till your age to move on?” her reaction wasn't obvious.
“ Krishna, it is true that I have filed resignation request, but it doesn’t give me the right to outcast the product or demotivate you either. Till I am here I will speak for this product and that is what you should expect from me”
Was she trying to be a diplomatic manager? Or is that what every manager is supposed to do? Giving hope even while the ship is drowning? Yes, she is the best manager.
“I never felt these many years are a loss in my career. I could grow in every means. But here, after becoming a manager the growth graph won’t grow much, and also a separation request means a lot at my level, a lot to negotiate.”
yes! she said it. She wasn't the opposing team captain to have a grudge on. Somewhere inside she is thinking like me. It wasn't end of the road.
“Nice thought Rani, it gives a reason to admire you.” I said with a brisk grin.
“ Krishna, The world isn’t that flat as we try to make. Even before asking for work you should have the view about result. When you are ready to work, you should work on whatever you get. That attitude to work is actually the greatest skill people are looking for. Talent is meaningful only with attitude. I see a good talent in you, just make your attitude right. I will try my level best to get you what you want. After all you will get what you wanted.”
“Thanks Rani,!” , I murmured as she left from my cubicle. It was true that I didn’t get what I needed, but I have a new attitude now, there is a lot to negotiate. She is the best manager ever, she has shown the way.
Love to work is the best attitude. work may change, it may not have any hope, but there are very few people who would love to do that, and they have a lot to negotiate.
Experience matters a lot when you are working in a product, and that can never be ignored.
masfina
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